Retreat, Reflect and Revive
Filed Under: Anti-Diet
23 September 2021 | Written by Xenia Ayiotis
Every year I have the privilege of leading a retreat at the Buddhist Retreat Centre in South Africa. Sadly, last year was not possible, which made this year’s retreat even more special.
There is something about stepping away from everyday life and withdrawing to a quiet place for a period of time among like-minded people.
The retreatants were a group of amazing individuals who were willing to be vulnerable and talk about their relationship with food. People shared their challenges and listened with an openheartedness which created a wonderfully safe space where participants felt brave to share their stories.
The food struggle is a very private one, it’s not something many people are willing to talk about, it is engulfed by shame, blame and guilt. It’s comforting to see that you are not alone in your struggle. A retreat is not always a blissful experience – for some it may be but it can also be hard work. As Jon Kabat-Zinn points out: “Wherever you go, there you are”. Sitting on a meditation cushion, breathing in and out, there is no escape from who you are. Like it or not, you are forced to confront the reality of your situation. Attending is a commitment to yourself but also to the other people present. There is a collective and supportive energy that is generated during a retreat. It was humbling to witness the realisations and process that people were going through. I felt hugely grateful to be able to teach at the centre and to do work I love.
My heart is filled with thanks to Louis and Chrisi Van Loon, the founders of this healing space that provides refuge to those in pain and to those needing to connect with their spiritual self. The people who live and work at the centre welcomed us warmly and made us feel supported and nurtured every step of the way.
At the end of the retreat, we sat around in a circle next to the labyrinth and shared intentions to take home and practice in our daily life. Simple practices like slowing down, eating away from the screen, having at least one “mindful meal” a day to more challenging intentions like letting go of food rules, being kinder to yourself and working with difficult emotions.
Some of the reflections that we shared were:
- What would your relationship with food be like if there were no rules?
- What’s between you and feeling free around food?
- Who would you be if you let go of the food struggle?
To the retreatants who are reading this, once again, I thank you for your sharing, your engagement, your questions and expressions of love and gratitude. I feel so enriched from all of you and the collective wisdom of the group. This is the world I want to live in.
If you would like to do an online home retreat, here is one that is offered by my teachers Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach.
We all need to spend time with ourselves, to reconnect with who we are, to maintain balance and recharge our bodies and our souls.
Wishing you well,
Xen
PS. The monkeys were a great reminder to take things “lightly”!
Hello, I'm Xen. Welcome!
I help women all over the world drop the struggle with food and their bodies to create a life of peace and freedom.
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“From our first meeting - two faces on Zoom across the world from each other, there was a sense of familiarity and comfort that was a healing balm for a lifetime of food struggles and dieting. Without realizing how much damage I had done to myself by adhering, for decades, to restrictive food plans and rigid diet programs, Xen had a way of redirecting the harsh and negative self-talk and sending me forth each week with compassion, mindfulness and a new way of seeing myself in the here and now. Gone are the maybe somedays, and if-only, and when-I’m-smaller thinking. Now I am committed to the imperfect and rocky path to listening to my body, accepting my perfect imperfections, and rejecting diet mentality. Those negative voices will revisit me from time to time, I know, but Xen has offered valuable tools for meeting each day as a fresh start - another choice, another chance. Her devotion to this work and her belief in her clients is a remarkable gift; I am so fortunate to have found her. It is never too late to let go of the drama and embrace joy, ease and self-acceptance.”
“I felt hopeless and helpless in my daily struggle with mindless eating for many years. Then I found Xen which is exactly what I needed! My decision to work with her helped me to finally repair my relationship with food. It's changing my life for the better, one day at a time. Now I have control over the food, instead of it having control over me, which is the way it should be. I highly recommend Xen to anyone who has a desire to overcome similar food struggles. Xen, thank you from the bottom of my heart!”
“I reached out to Xenia because 2021 started on a tumultuous note for me. Between deaths, businesses suffering, hospitalizations, and job losses in our personal circle, I felt depleted and found myself being available for everyone but myself. Then I was hit with an unexpected health diagnosis, which was the last straw as it meant giving up “healthy foods” and workouts that I leaned on for my well-being and stability. Despite working in wellness (Yes, coaches and healers are vulnerable too!), I found myself reaching out to desserts for comfort. I like to live a life of permissions (not labels or deprivation leading to bingeing), so I wanted to work with someone who approached healing from a place of mindful compassion. I didn’t want to be my own client. Xenia was great in reminding me to be kind to myself. Working with her, brought me peace and helped shift my mindset. I love how desserts and I look at each other now.”
“Working with Xenia was amazing. She armed me with a bunch of tools to help me through difficult times. Xenia is the kind of person who really cares for helping you in the long run. Her work will forever have an impact in my life.”
“Working with Xen was a game changer for me. After working together for a few months my relationship with food radically changed. I no longer felt like a failure. I now have the tools to nourish my body with foods that feel good in my body. I don’t feel guilty about eating cake or chocolate, I also don’t overeat cake and chocolate. I no longer feel the need to exercise to compensate for my eating. I feel much more free around eating and I am more accepting of my body. Xen has a nonjudgmental and compassionate approach to coaching and really supports you in the process.”
“Working with Xen has been very empowering. Her approach is so refreshing from the usual. I have learned that I am in charge and that I get to choose what I put in my body and how to move my body in a way that I like! I get to make my own choices. It’s so liberating. Once you get a taste of freedom with food, there is no turning back to old ways! Thanks Xen for guiding me along the way to freedom.”
“This is the answer for those of you that struggle with food and all that surrounds it. Xenia said that I could make peace with food and it seemed at the time like an impossible dream. Turns out it isn’t. I recommend Xen and the mindful eating / intuitive eating approach unreservedly. If you have any questions about my experience, please get in touch. Thank you Xen. My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐”
“Xenia was a walking, living, breathing example of what can be done. I laughed and cried my way through a short course in this fascinating and invigorating programme with her, and have gained a designer tote full of coping skills that go way beyond containing kilogrammes. I feel infinitely lighter. I am doing this for me and, yes, you can do this for you too! And believe me, I’m cynical!”
“I don’t obsess about food like I used to. I am thinking differently about food and feeling so much more relaxed around all types of food. It’s wonderful to have pleasure and satisfaction from eating.”
“I learned a new way of thinking about food. I have learned that food is not the enemy and that it can actually be enjoyed with no guilt.”
