What Do You Say About Food?
10 April 2019 | Written by Xenia Ayiotis
“Unless you stole the food or killed the chef, there is no place for morality or guilt in eating”
— Evelyn Tribole —
Words are powerful. How we speak matters. The words we choose to use to describe our food have an effect on our relationship with food and on our relationship with ourselves.
How familiar are these statements? You’ve probably heard them hundreds of times without even thinking.
“I should probably order the salad but I am really tempted by the pasta”
“I had such a hard workout so I’ll indulge and the have the burger & fries”
I’m having pizza , I’m allowed to, it’s a “cheat day”
“I’ll make up for it by eating salad tomorrow”
“I’ve eaten so badly this weekend” or “I had no sugar, it was such a good week”
Sound familiar?
Lets look at some of the words we often use to describe food:
Good Bad
Healthy Unhealthy
Right Wrong
Allowed Forbidden
Clean Dirty
Pure Toxic
Safe Addictive
Guilty pleasure * Downfall * Guilt-free * Sinful * Decadent * Naughty * Moreish
The language we choose to describe how we eat and what we eat every day, matters. If we choose to describe our eating as bad, wrong and sinful – we tend to internalise these words and believe we are bad, wrong and sinful.
What is morally right and “good” about eating kale and morally “wrong” about eating chocolate?
“All foods are morally neutral”
— Dr Rick Kausman —
Using moralistic terms around food creates feelings of guilt and shame in us for eating, how good can that be for us?
Using this language isn’t going to stop us from eating these foods, it’s simply going to make us feel bad and take away the enjoyment and pleasure from the experience. Why do we need to fill a pleasurable and nourishing activity with judgement?
Think about it. How do you feel when you eat something and while you are eating it you are saying:
“This is bad, I shouldn’t be eating it” = “I am bad for eating it”
In most cases, that thought will result in all-or-nothing thinking: “I’ve blown it, so I might as well carry on.” Whereas if you were simply enjoying it, you would eat it and move on.
Food is neutral. The ingredients in cake are flour, sugar, butter and cocoa; a salad is lettuce, cucumber, tomato and onion. These are simply a bunch of ingredients, neither good nor bad. It’s the meaning that we attach to them that makes food complicated.
“….for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison…”
— Hamlet —
What if we used words like satisfying, energising, depleting, filling, light or rich? Or sensory words like creamy, crunchy, spicy? How would that change the entire eating experience?
One of the principles in Intuitive Eating is to “challenge the food police”, similarly in mindful eating, we are invited to practice an attitude of non-judgement. The food police and food judgement is housed deep in our conditioning and diet culture. So, how do we counter it?
The first step is awareness.
Awareness of our language and how we talk about food and eating.
The second step is to notice.
Notice how it feels to talk about food in moralistic terms and how it feels to talk about food in neutral or factual ways.
The third step is to actively choose to talk differently about food, to actively change our language.
What is one small step you can take today? Notice how often you use the words good or bad to describe food choices. Think of other more neutral words you could use.
“Foods are not good, or bad. Not right, or wrong. Food is just food”
— Dr Rick Kausman —
Hello, I'm Xen. Welcome!
I help women all over the world drop the struggle with food and their bodies to create a life of peace and freedom.
Sign up for my FREE 21-day eCourse “The Mindful Eating Moments” and get started on your journey to feeling free around food.
I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
You might also be interested in blogs about:
“From our first meeting - two faces on Zoom across the world from each other, there was a sense of familiarity and comfort that was a healing balm for a lifetime of food struggles and dieting. Without realizing how much damage I had done to myself by adhering, for decades, to restrictive food plans and rigid diet programs, Xen had a way of redirecting the harsh and negative self-talk and sending me forth each week with compassion, mindfulness and a new way of seeing myself in the here and now. Gone are the maybe somedays, and if-only, and when-I’m-smaller thinking. Now I am committed to the imperfect and rocky path to listening to my body, accepting my perfect imperfections, and rejecting diet mentality. Those negative voices will revisit me from time to time, I know, but Xen has offered valuable tools for meeting each day as a fresh start - another choice, another chance. Her devotion to this work and her belief in her clients is a remarkable gift; I am so fortunate to have found her. It is never too late to let go of the drama and embrace joy, ease and self-acceptance.”
Karen L, Denver, USA
“I felt hopeless and helpless in my daily struggle with mindless eating for many years. Then I found Xen which is exactly what I needed! My decision to work with her helped me to finally repair my relationship with food. It's changing my life for the better, one day at a time. Now I have control over the food, instead of it having control over me, which is the way it should be. I highly recommend Xen to anyone who has a desire to overcome similar food struggles. Xen, thank you from the bottom of my heart!”
Karen J, Colorado, USA
“I reached out to Xenia because 2021 started on a tumultuous note for me. Between deaths, businesses suffering, hospitalizations, and job losses in our personal circle, I felt depleted and found myself being available for everyone but myself. Then I was hit with an unexpected health diagnosis, which was the last straw as it meant giving up “healthy foods” and workouts that I leaned on for my well-being and stability. Despite working in wellness (Yes, coaches and healers are vulnerable too!), I found myself reaching out to desserts for comfort. I like to live a life of permissions (not labels or deprivation leading to bingeing), so I wanted to work with someone who approached healing from a place of mindful compassion. I didn’t want to be my own client. Xenia was great in reminding me to be kind to myself. Working with her, brought me peace and helped shift my mindset. I love how desserts and I look at each other now.”
Sweta Vikram, New York, USA
“Working with Xenia was amazing. She armed me with a bunch of tools to help me through difficult times. Xenia is the kind of person who really cares for helping you in the long run. Her work will forever have an impact in my life.”
Daniela Velásquez, Ottawa, Canada
“Working with Xen was a game changer for me. After working together for a few months my relationship with food radically changed. I no longer felt like a failure. I now have the tools to nourish my body with foods that feel good in my body. I don’t feel guilty about eating cake or chocolate, I also don’t overeat cake and chocolate. I no longer feel the need to exercise to compensate for my eating. I feel much more free around eating and I am more accepting of my body. Xen has a nonjudgmental and compassionate approach to coaching and really supports you in the process.”
Rachel, Dublin, Ireland
“Working with Xen has been very empowering. Her approach is so refreshing from the usual. I have learned that I am in charge and that I get to choose what I put in my body and how to move my body in a way that I like! I get to make my own choices. It’s so liberating. Once you get a taste of freedom with food, there is no turning back to old ways! Thanks Xen for guiding me along the way to freedom.”
Heather B, Cork. Ireland
“This is the answer for those of you that struggle with food and all that surrounds it. Xenia said that I could make peace with food and it seemed at the time like an impossible dream. Turns out it isn’t. I recommend Xen and the mindful eating / intuitive eating approach unreservedly. If you have any questions about my experience, please get in touch. Thank you Xen. My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐”
Michelle, Johannesburg, South Africa
“Xenia was a walking, living, breathing example of what can be done. I laughed and cried my way through a short course in this fascinating and invigorating programme with her, and have gained a designer tote full of coping skills that go way beyond containing kilogrammes. I feel infinitely lighter. I am doing this for me and, yes, you can do this for you too! And believe me, I’m cynical!”
Diana, Vancouver, Canada
“I don’t obsess about food like I used to. I am thinking differently about food and feeling so much more relaxed around all types of food. It’s wonderful to have pleasure and satisfaction from eating.”
Sarah, Illinois, USA
“I learned a new way of thinking about food. I have learned that food is not the enemy and that it can actually be enjoyed with no guilt.”
Sandy, London, United Kingdom
